


More than anything

by Lyquoritte



Series: From the Other Side [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Jeanmarco Month 2018, Letters, Longing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:25:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyquoritte/pseuds/Lyquoritte
Summary: JeanMarco Month 2018 - Longing/DistanceA letter is addressed to Jean.





	More than anything

Dear Jean,

How have you been? It’s been so long since we last met, and I’ve missed you so much.

I miss your voice, loud during training or when giving commands; and soft when planning a prank with Sasha and Connie, or when whispering “I can’t sleep” in my ear long past curfew. I miss how your cheeky smile would show itself after a well made plan, or after watching Eren bite the dust on a match against Annie. I miss how your eyes would shine, sometimes with unshed tears of laughter, others by the light of the candles when studying late at night, and others with harmless mischief.

I also miss the long talks about our homes, about our pasts and our futures, about how we’d be together no matter what. I miss how we’d comfort each other when the training was too much, or when the homesickness returned.

I can’t believe it’s already been a year, but I still haven’t forgotten you. Have you forgotten me?

I know you’re not that kind of person. Even with that front you used to put up every morning, pretending you didn’t care, that getting into the Military Police was everything in your mind, I know that behind that you were just longing to make friends. You just didn’t want to become attached, did you? You were afraid you’d lose them, like we lost Himmel and Dietrich during the first week; or that they’ll turn against you, like those kids you called friends when you were a child.

But you opened up, at some point. You started addressing people by their first name, and you started mentioning me as your _friend_ to others. I was happy when I found out, but I knew I couldn’t just let you live it down. After all, _Jean Kirschstein?_ The guy who made the worst impression on his first day just by being honest? With a _friend_? Unbelievable.

After that you made more friends. Connie and Sasha took to you, they became people you could rely on and open up to, and they gave you a fun time too. Armin was great company when Eren was not around, even if your ideals differed for a while.

Then you closed up again, and it was the same fear as before. You didn’t want to lose anyone else, after Trost and a few expeditions with the Survey Corps; or you were afraid they’d turn out to be traitors, like Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie.

That’s why I also know you’ve been busier than ever, so you not thinking about me anymore would not only be the most logical conclusion, but also the safest. You need to be the best you can be, so you can lead your squad to battle and back to safety, while surviving every time. You can’t let your feelings get in the way of so many lives, and that’s something I respect and understand, and also an important quality of a true leader.

Jean, you’ve become much more than I could have ever hoped or predicted you’d be. You’ve grown so much, opened up to so many, and made such good friends. I really am so proud of you, and I know you’ll continue to grow and better yourself.

But are you taking care of yourself?

I’ve seen you taking care of others, making sure they live to see another day, but I’ve also seen you charge at creatures seven times your size with only half of a plan in your mind. I know sometimes the situation requires it, but I also know it takes everything you have to not run away when facing such terror.

Are you scared of losing them too? Do you forget, for just a moment, how much your friends and family want you to make it back home? Or do you believe your life to be disposable? It makes me think you’re trying to steal Eren’s title.

I saw you, a week ago.

You were on your horse, Buchwald I think, running after someone from your squad who’d fallen off theirs and right behind a titan. Your eyes were wild and your hair was a mess. You weren’t thinking; you had your eyes trained on that giant foot rising ever so slowly above your squad mate. Your voice was hoarse from screaming at them to get up and run…

However good this giant forest may be for fighting titans on fair grounds and with the advantage of mobility, the Commander surely knows that it is also perfect for the titans to hide in. More than once I’ve seen the horror filled faces of soldiers upon finding, midflight, a titan inches away from them just at the turn of a tree.

But I know you know this already, you’ve seen it too.

You are close to freeing Wall Maria from the titans. So little of them are left now, and most walk towards the outer districts of Wall Rose like moths to a flame. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to wait for them to get to you, instead of going out of your way and right into danger to get rid of them? It surely would, and I’m sure you thought of it too. But you can’t do that, can you? You are running on borrowed time; society might collapse on itself and civil wars might break out if you can’t secure more territory and food.

To tell the truth, the selfless work you are doing now –in comparison to what the Military Police truly is like– is admirable. You risk your life several times a month for the sake of people you’ve never met, as well as for your friends. You could have still chosen the Military Police, or the Garrison, where you’d be safe like you wanted to, but you didn’t.

In my eyes, you aren’t just a leader, now. You are a hero.

That is why, as much as I want us to meet again, I know that is not what you need right now.

Go on fighting for the freedom of humanity, Jean, but concentrate on the family you’ve built with your friends. Keep them close and open back up to them. They love you just as much as you love them, and just as much as I love you.

So, more than anything, go on living.

With love,

Marco.

 

 

 

Sitting on a tree’s branch, in the Forest of Giant Trees, Marco folded the piece of paper with his words carefully written on. Sighing, he placed it inside an envelope and set it to the side.

Right under it, a dozen other letters he’ll never send.


End file.
